Fridayyyy

Longest day. ever. Our first tour, au musee d'antiquite d'Arles, began at 10:00. We spent about an hour and a half learning about the presence of the Roman empire in Arles. For example, we learned about the forum, les thermes (public baths), necropoles (cemetaries), et l'arene (stadium, arena).

After the tour of the museum, which sadly I thought was a bit boring and a bit long, we boarded the bus to head to Nimes, a nearby city which also has remnants of the Roman empire. We first visited l'amphitheatre (huge. and very well preserved.), which was used by gladiators, bull fighters, and even rock stars. Our tour guide then lead us through the streets of the city. We learned about the history of Nimes, which has a very interesting coat of arms. To commemorate a victory of the Roman empire, the image of a crocodile chained to a palm frond was designed. Therefore, crocodiles are everywhere. Including four stuffed crocodiles (ranging from 300-500 years old), which hang from a ceiling in one of the state buildings today. Nifty.

We finished our tour at the Jardin de la Fontaine, a beautiful garden which was the first public garden in France. In the park one can find the ruins of a temple to the Roman goddess Diane. Besides being an incredibly hot day, it was really cool (ha no pun intended).

The bus ride back to Arles was really fun. The table in the back of the bus seats 8 people, the number in our group, so we all sat around and just talked and laughed until we got back to our hotel. For being a group of incredibly diverse people, we have blended very, very well. We're different enough, and yet the same enough. Our differing personalities make each conversation new and fun. I could not be more thankful for this group of people, as they have made my first week in France so much easier.

Dinner was really fun too. I ate so much. I ate lamb, rabbit, mussels, fish...thats really quite remarkable for me, honestly. I never try anything new. After dinner, we walked around a bit more and have just been hanging out at the hotel since then.

On a separate note: Yesterday on the bus, I finished the book Redeeming Love. Mary, I am unbelievably thankful that you got that book for me. It was the best book I have read in a long time, mainly because it brought to light several things in my life that have pulled my focus away from God. I'm not saying that the book is theological per se, or better than the Bible, obviously. But, reading a book based on the book of Hosea, reading about God's unfailing and redeeming love in a new and different way struck a chord with me. I think its easy for me to read my Bible and kind of let the stuff go in one ear and out the other because passages are familiar or I'm not really focused because I'm tired and am reading my Bible because its part of my daily routine. Redeeming Love struck me because God's love was demonstrated through a fictional story that moved me and held my attention, all while incorporating the idea of God's sacrifice and intense, unrelentless love.

After I finished the book, I just sat and stared out the window and cried a little bit. Cried because the story moved me, cried because it applied to me, cried just because. No one saw me though, haha, because everyone was sleeping. I was hit with the realization that while I had come into this study abroad experience saying: trust God first, others after; think of God first, others after; worship God first, worship no other...thats the opposite of what I've been doing for the past week.

I've been clinging to the internet as a source of connection with those I love, forgetting that God's availability doesn't depend on free WiFi. I've been spending all my time with new friends, having fun, going out (which in and of themselves are not bad things), forgetting to reserve time for God each and every day. I've been thinking of myself and others, even putting them and myself up on pedestals, forgetting to think of God.

I've been without internet for the past few days. My cell phone died this morning and I was without it for the entire day (gasp). On the bus this morning, I was stressing because I felt like I had no way to contact anyone. My mind then wandered to God. Humbled, I prayed that I would use this technology-free day to rest in the Lord's presence as much as possible.

It was a good day.

Thursday

Thursday morning, our group got up early to check out of the hotel and meet our professor to board the bus for our trip to Provence. She brought orange juice and croissants for us to eat on the bus.

Our bus driver: Patrick
Our bus: schweeeettt. It seats 30 people...there are 9 of us. Needless to say, a ton of room. And the bus has tables and tvs. Je l'aime. (I like it).
Our travels: through the French countryside to Provence, which is a region in the south of France.

Currently we are studying the Roman occupation of France, which occurred about 2,000 years ago. Provence is home to multiple well preserved examples of Roman structures.

Our first stop was at a rest area which had a cafeteria style restaurant. Not the best lunch, but not bad. There were several cats begging for food on the patio who were soooo cuteee. I may or may not have given them some food. After that, we headed on to Orange where we saw an arc de triomphe, which sadly was being restored and covered in scaffolding, and then we saw le theatre de l'Orange, the theater of Orange. It's the best preserved theater of the Roman empire. It is HUGE. And beautiful. And it was unbelievably humbling to stand in the theater and be dwarfed by its size, its history, and its presence.

After leaving Orange, we continuted to drive through the countryside of Provence, passing through les Alpines. We saw olive trees, castle ruins, and cute villages. We arrived in Arles, settled into our hotel, and then went to dinner.

We had dinner at restaurant near our hotel, and it was delicious. There were three courses (entree, plat, et dessert) and of course, wine and water. I had salade avec fromage de chevre (goat cheese), a steak that I can't remember the name of, and then for desert, glace au peche (peach ice cream) sur glace au fraise (stawberry ice cream). Amazing. Afterwards, we walked around the city a bit. Arles is where Vincent Van Gogh lived for a time, and his famous painting of the cafe with the yellow awning was done here. Needless to say, there is a lot of history in this city.

Exhausted, Lauren and I went to bed fairly early to be ready for our long day on Friday.

Review of Harry Potter: French Style

Ok, so I'm in Arles in Provence and seriously behind on my updates due to lack of internet. Not that it really matters. But there's just so much that has happened that I want to share with everyone and I know I'll forget funny and fun moments if I don't write them down. After all, this blog is almost more for me than for anyone else. It's my way of recording my adventures. I'm not a big journal-er, so blogging for other people is good because its motivation to keep it up.

Wednesday night, Lauren, Jennifer, Kara, and I went to see Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince in French. The theater was super small, much much smaller than small theaters in America. Everyone was silent before the movie started, except for the kid in front of us who decided to throw up about 2 minutes into the previews. That was gross.

Anyway, I was curious to see how much of Harry Potter I would actually understand. Having seen the movie already and having read the books, I knew that I'd know the plot line. But, as far as understanding the phrases, I was intrigued to see how well I'd do. For the most part, I understood everything without trying too much. Which definitely suprised me, as the French was spoken quickly and with a lot of phrases that are run together when said in conversation.

A few interesting differences: For some reason, Severus Snape was renamed Severus Rogue. Also, Tom Riddle (Voldemort) was renamed, although I cannot remember his name. Everything else, I think, was mainly the same.

The best part of the movie requires some explanation. On Sunday night when we were having dinner with our professor, we asked her friend how to say "Bottoms up!" in French. She said "Cul sec" (coule-seck). In the movie, when Ronald Weasley has to drink an antidote for a love potion, in the French version of the movie, Professor Slughorn hands him the glass and said.....CUL SEC!!! It was HILARIOUS.

I am so so so glad I went to see the movie. Definitely worth 5.50 euros.

Tuesdayyyy...and some of Wednesday.

So, class yesterday was awesome. Awesomely short, awesomely easy, awesomely laid back. I am not sure that class will continue to be that way, but for the first day, it was so manageable. Professor Barbour let us out about an hour early.

Hungry, Lauren, Kara, Jennifer and I went on a hunt for crepes. The crepe shop we wanted to go to was closed, so we went to a patisserie (pastry shop). IT WAS DELICIOUS. We each got something different and shared. We had pain chocolate amandes (chocolate croissant with almonds), tarte citron (lemon tarte), flan chocolate (chocolate pie), tarte aux fruits roux (red fruit tart). Like, amazing. I could eat that every day. I'd be fat but super happy.

After that we walked around a market and bought some wine to celebrate Lauren's birthday later in the evening. Kara and I made up a little story on the way back to the hotel, telling Lauren and Jen that'd Kara had lost her sunglasses, so that we could double back and stop at a flower shop to get Lauren some flowers. Genius.

Dinner was at a restaurant called La Table Marocaine. Obviously a Moroccan restaurant, I was unsure if I would find food that I would like. However, it was easily the best dinner I've had since I've been here. I got couscous poulet, which was chicken and couscous with onions, raisins, chickpeas, and other flavorings. Seriously, ate the whole thing. YUM.

After the girls got all dressed up, the group headed out to find the salsa club. Sadly, after about 20 minutes of walking, we realized we couldn't find it. So, instead we headed to an Irish pub called Flannery's. It was super crowded. I ordered an Irish coffee, which is whiskey, coffee, and chantilly (whipped cream). It was a hot drink, and of course whiskey warms you up, and I can easily see that being one of the best drinks you could ever drink on a cold day.

The rest of the evening was fun as well, and I really think Lauren thoroughly enjoyed her 21st birthday!

This morning, everyone slept in. We didn't have class until 2 and a lot of us are still catching up on sleep, so why not sleep in? I got up and finished my homework for class. After that, Peter, Jen, Mary Kate, Kara, and I headed and grabbed lunch at a kebab stand. No, not kabobs, kebabs...very different. They are sandwiches with various kinds of meat ( I think I had mutton?). It was pretty good, a little greasy, but cheap, so who's complaining? Not me.

After class, which was again short, laidback and easy, our group headed to a candy shop. Not interested in eating multiple kinds of gummies that probably all taste the same, Mary Kate and I got icecream at a little stand. Mint chocolate chip on a hot Dijon day = refreshing. We sat at a local park and just hung out for about an hour. It was fun!

Tonight, some of the girls and I are going to see Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince...IN FRENCH (Oh Nicholas, how I wish you could be here with me). Tomorrow morning, we leave for a 4 day trip to Provence. We'll see lots of Roman ruins, fields of lavander, and the OCEAN. We're going to the beach on Saturday, I can't wait!

I can't believe I've only been here for a 5 days. It feels like I have been here for so much longer than that. I don't know if that is a good or a bad thing. I know the days are passing slowly because we have so much free time and not a set schedule. I move in with my host family on Sunday night, and I know that could cause several things to happen:

a) beginning of homesickness, as right now living in a hotel with a bunch of friends pretty much feels like vacation.
b) beginning of time flying, as maybe my routine will become more solidified.
c) beginning of true learning, as I will be alone with a French family and not spending all my time with other Americans, even though we do mainly try to speak in French to one another.

I'm still amazed that I am here in France. Every time I walk around and see all these historic buildings, I'm just hit with this overwhelming sense of incredulity. It's just so strange to me, and I really wonder when this place will actually and truly feel like home. It may not ever feel like home...I love my true home, good ol' North Carolina, too much to ever really be able to call another place home. I know that as much fun as I may have here, and as much fondness as I may develop for this place and these people, my heart is truly back in North Carolina.

French Mondays

Yesterday was my first Monday in France. Granted, because I am still adjusting from so much travel and couldn't hardly tell you what day it is, for most of the day I wasn't super aware of the fact that it was Monday.

In France, a lot of stores are closed on Mondays. I'm not sure why, but they are. Maybe French people just don't like Mondays.

After a breakfast of coffee, croissants, baguettes, cafe (coffee), orange juice, and yogurt, my friends and I did my first homework assignment of the semester. After that, our group went to lunch at an Italian cafe. It was very good. We then met our professor at the archeological museum here in Dijon. We had a private tour of the part of the museum that focuses on ancient Gaulois history. It was interesting, although my family knows...museums like that are not my favorite!

After the museum, we were free to do as we pleased for the rest of the day. A few friends and I went to get cell phones, although unsuccessfully. We had to work with the rudest man in the store, who gave one look at us and talked to us in very poor English and wouldn't really talk French. What he didn't realize was that his poor English was just as annoying to us as our poor French must have been to him. He told us to come back the next day. We still don't know why he did so.

After returning to the hotel and doing our homework, the group went to dinner at a restaurant nearby. We sat inside because it was raining and it was super hot. We were all sweating. Yuck. Dinner, however, was delicious. The drinks were also delicious. I tried the "cocktail maison" (house cocktail) which was flavored with creme framboise (raspberry) and creme italien. Very yummy.

After dinner, we went to a grocery store and bought some chocolate and a few cheap bottles of wine and just hung out at the hotel. My roommates and I turned in a bit early, as we were tired and all had emails, phone calls, etc to attend to.

This morning, my roommates (Lauren and Kara) and I got up early and went on a run around the city. We actually planned our route so that we would run by our host families' houses. Maybe a bit stalker-ish, I know, but we wanted to know how far apart we lived and where our houses are in relation to le centre-ville.

We ran about 3 miles and we got more strange looks than I have ever received in my life. People in France don't run, I guess. Or maybe just not where we were running. But we had little children pressing their faces against the bus window to stare at us as we went past, and when we ran by bus stops, everyone watched us go by. Amusing.

After getting ready for the day, Lauren, Kara, and I returned to the phone store. The same rude man was there but when we reached the front of the line, even though he was available, he went to the back of the store and disappeared for about 10 minutes. We think he was avoiding us. The lady who helped me was very nice. I spoke almost completely in French, and understood almost everything she said. I was very proud. Now, I have a nifty French cell phone with a nifty French number.

After leaving the phone store, we walked around a marketplace where different vendors sell all sorts of things, from produce to shoes to jewelry. We bought peaches and grapes at a produce stand...best grapes I have ever had! We also grabbed lunch at a little sandwich station and ate it as we were heading back to the hotel.

Our first real class is today at 2, so we have a bit of time to relax until then. Today is Lauren's 21st (!!!) birthday, so tonight we are going out to a salsa dancing club. I am SO excited. I've been waiting for a chance to dance in France.

A bientot!

Les diners francais

tres tres bien.

as in, like 6 courses and several hours.

My professor made us dinner at her aparment tonight. Her friend Dominique came as well.

We began the evening with hors d'oeuvres and sparkling white wine mixed with creme de cassis, a kind of black currant syrup. Delicious. And, at the same time, strange, because I am only 19 years old. While I am completely legal in France, it still felt weird to drink with an adult, especially a professor.

After this, we sat down at the table for some gaspacho. In Dijon, you simply drink it. I had never had gaspacho until this summer (Thanks, Warren!) and had eaten it with a spoon. The gaspacho was followed by chicken, green pepper, and tomato kabobs with rice. After this, salad, bread, and cheese. After that, two tartes, apricot and prune, to celebrate Kara's 20th birthday. And after that, coffee and chocolate. Of course, red wine was had throughout...all three hours!

Amazingly, I was not stuffed after eating all that, nor very affected by the wines. With the French, everything is in moderation. Small portions spread over three hours...tres tres bien!

First Few Days In France

I'm sitting in my hotel room after a two hour walking tour around Dijon. I should be napping, but there is so much from the past few days that I want to share, so now is the best time.

Friday and Saturday were exhausting. I flew out of Charlotte at 12 only to have a 6 hour layover in Cincinatti. Not fun at all. I spent the time walking, eating, reading, more walking, more reading....internet costed $7.99 and I was just not going to pay that! (Thank you Mary for giving me the book Redeeming Love as a going away present!!! I love it, and was so excited to read parts of it and then get out my Bible and read parts of the book of Hosea, which is where the author found inspiration for her novel. The book definitely kept me occupied in the airport and on the plane.)

Lauren, a friend who is also here in Dijon for the semester, met up with me and we took the same flight from Cincinatti to Paris. The flight was fine, rather short...just under 8 hours! I slept a bit, but sleeping on planes, even in cars, has always been difficult for me. Breakfast on the plane was an egg and cheese biscuit...it was good except for the fact that it was packaged like a Little Debbie cake or something...how egg and cheese and a biscuit can be pre-made and packaged like that, I don't want to know. Ick.

As we flew over Paris, I caught a brief glimpse of the Eiffel Tower in the distance. I can't wait to spend time there!

Lauren and I got off the plane, went through customs, and then got our luggage. I hate to say it, but I was that token American with two massive suitcases, a small suitcase, and a book bag. To make matters worse, Lauren and I were trying to find our friends Kara and Carleigh who had landed in a different terminal. Long story short, we finally found them and after waiting in the wrong place for about 30 minutes, boarded the shuttle for Gare de Lyon, the train station. I, however, still bear the marks and bruises which are my punishment for taking so many bags.

The Gare de Lyon is beautiful...I would love to have seen it even 50 years ago before all the advertisements and such took over. After buying my first french sandwich (ordered in French!), we sat and waited for our train to Dijon.

The ride to Dijon was about an hour and half, and the train meandered through beautiful countryside. I tried to sleep, and managed for a bit. Once in Dijon, we took a taxi to our hotel, where we met the rest of our group.

Last night was super fun. We went to dinner with our professor at Les Grands Ducs, a little restaurant near our hotel. I ordered steak hache, which is essentially like a hamburger with no bun. However, its flavored differently and was quite good. It came with fries and salad. French people eat mayonaise on their french fries. Paula Dean, bless her, had already introduced me to this delicious-ness, so I had no problem with that. Dinner was washed down with a red wine, and desert was a banana split. Delicieuse!

After walking around town for a bit, Professor Barbour left us to return to her appartment. My group consists of 9 Wake Forest students, 6 girls and 3 guys (one guy, Miles, is not here yet as he is having trouble with his visa). Kara's birthday began at midnight last night, so naturally we went out to celebrate her birthday and our first night in France. We went to a local bar, Club 88, and had a great time. We met a lot of local french youth like ourselves and were introduced to their hang out spot, a small square with a fountain and lots of benches. I met a girl named Lucie who told me my French accent was very good. That compliment almost made me cry.

After sleeping through our alarms and finding ourselves with a mere 20 minutes to get ready, today we set off for a walking tour of Dijon. We ate lunch at a place called Flunch, kind of like a K&W Cafeteria but better. A cute French woman gave us our tour, which was very interesting. Dijon is beautiful...there is so much history here, and the buildings are truly outstanding. I'll post pictures as soon as I can.

I've been realizing over the past two days something very important: People are the same everywhere. Love, happiness, pain. French children are exactly the same as American children (although perhaps cuter). Families are the same. Friends are the same. Meeting other French people, talking with them...its shown me that everyone connects on the same level. The level of being alive. I've been here for two days, but not once have a really and truly felt like I didn't belong, even though I am an American.

I miss my family and my friends, and it still has yet to hit me that I am living here for the next three months. But, if anything, these past two days have shown me that I am going to be just fine.

And I'm going to love it.

And here we go...

Eve of my departure. Some seriously mixed emotions. There's excitement, of course. There's nervousness and anxiety that makes me want to panic and run. There's happiness and sadness. There's readiness swirling with a feeling of being completely unprepared.

I would love to just snap my fingers and be in France, and avoid the stresses of packing, saying goodbye, etc. But, traveling is just that...traveling. Therefore the stuffed suitcases, stress, and sadness are somewhat unavoidable.

When I woke up this morning, the first thought that popped into my head was, "Tomorrow morning is the last morning I'll wake up in this bed for three and a half months." My next thought was, "But, tomorrow begins the greatest adventure of my life."

If I wasn't traveling abroad this semester, I'd be just fine. I'd be happy, have tons of friends, be at ease...everything would stay comfortably the same. I know, though, that a challenge is good for me. A change is good for me. And, in the long run, discomfort for a time will just make me stronger.

I feel like Harry Potter or Frodo Baggins (yes, I did just make that reference)...about to go on one scary adventure, but it'll be worth it in the end. Actually, when it comes down to it, I'm probably more like Ron Weasley or Samwise Gamgee...awkward, lovable, not always courageous, but nevertheless attempting to do what I can to get through.

All I know is, I've been hitting my knees and raising my hands to the Lord every night, and will continue to do so, until I find my footing and security in a different place.

My host family lives next to a beautiful church (at least, according to the stalking I've done on Google maps...Street View is AWESOME). When I need it, I cannot wait to slip into its cool, shadowy darkness and find sanctuary and a sense of peace.

Journey

My faith journey. It's been all over the place for the past year. First semester sophomore year, I tried to trust the Lord in everything. I prayed all the time. Prayed with my friends in the library when we should have been studying. Prayed in the morning, prayed at night. I was blessed with a very, very happy semester. Second semester came bringing changes and distractions, and to this day I am shocked and ashamed that I put God on the back burner so quickly and easily.

After being at my lowest, I entered the summer with the conviction to renew my personal relationship with God. It's been great.

Last night, I was reading my Bible, and in the context of France and several previous discussions with friends who feel overwhelmed by different things in life, I stumble upon this verse:

"No testing has overtaken you that is not common to everyone. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tested beyond your strength, but with the testing He will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it." - 1 Corinthians 10: 13

I don't think it will ever cease to fascinate me how reassurances like that pop up when I need them. SO COOL.

The Good Stuff

Familiar places (Raleigh, N.C. State).
New living spaces (clutter, smelly couches, friends).
Responsibility (Rotaract posters made with lots of super glue by a non-Rotaract member).
Stories ("I changed my major!!!").
Cook-out milkshakes (caramel_brownie_oreo...or if you're picky, plain chocolate).
Late nights (sitting on the floor instead of couches, exhaustion).
Laughter (teasing, jokes, changing lightbulbs).
Lightbulbs (ones that don't work).
Maturity (being juniors in college but not acting like it).
New songs (country twang, "ass in the sand").
Bojangles (sharing Boberry biscuits in the early morning).
New recipes (bacon_wrapped_fried_macaroni_and_cheese).
YouTube (Watermelondrea, dances).
Francesca's (enough said).
Crisp (salad in a food court).
Talking (no explanation necessary).
The elderly (precious old man falling asleep over his lunch).
Target ("hellooo." ... "Was he hot???"..."I was talking about how fast the car was going...").
Pictures (worth a thousand words).
Good-byes (knowing that in the end, not that much is going to change because, after all, its not really a good-bye...just a "see you later.").
Fear (a friend who's often misunderstood).
Long drives (you, the radio, tears, conversations with the Lord).
Home (it'll always be there).

Readiness (a willing heart, courage, faith).

2 Corinthians 12:8-10

8 Three times I appealed to the Lord about this, that it would leave me, 9 but he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." So, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. 10 Therefore I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities for the sake of Christ; for whenever I am weak, then I am strong.


I came across this passage when reading tonight and can't quite seem to get it out of my head. Or I guess I should say, out of my heart.

Meryl Streep Obsession Continues

Watching Mamma Mia! with big sister. Meryl is simply fabulous. Right now she's singing her amazing "Slipping Through My Fingers" which makes me cry everyyyyyy time. Makes me think of what it'll be like for my mom when I get married! The only thing my mom ever mentions about marriage right now, though, is that I better not find a man in France!!! I don't plan on it.

Best line from that song: "Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture and save it from the funny tricks of time..."

Speaking of France....ONE WEEK. Can't hardly believe it. Tomorrow is my last day of work, and I'm realizing how much I am going to miss it! I am unbelievably fortunate to have LOVED my summer job. Granted, I didn't love every minute of it. But for the most part, working with all those amazing kids was unbelievably rewarding and fulfilling. I am going to miss them so much!!!

I'm excited for my last week at home! It'll be nice to spend time with the family and some friends before I fly out! I'm so excited to get on the plane though and just get to France!!! I can't wait until these posts actually have some substance, like "here's what I did/saw today in France..." and not just randomness posted as a result of boredom.

peace out, bean sprout.

FOOD

I saw the new movie "Julie and Julia" today with one of my best friends Mary. I have to say that I just love love love Meryl Streep, who in this movie hilariously portrays Julia Child. She's fantastic. Amy Adams, who is Julie, is cute too. But there's just something about Meryl Streep that I just can't get over.

The movie partially focuses on Julia Child's time in France and her experiences cooking French food. All I can say after watching it is that I AM GOING TO GET SO FAT IN FRANCE.

Between the wine, the croissants, the pastries, the meats...just eating in general is going alter my waistline.

Granted, I will be walking much more that I do at home, and I did buy an iPod today with some intention of using it for running (running through the streets of France??? AWESOME). But, I still have a feeling that I am going to eat and drink my way through much of the next three and a half months and honestly, I can't wait!

I'm 13 days away from departure, and after a we-canceled-your-flight-so-you-have-to-rebook-your-ticket-or-you-won't-get-to-France-scare, I'm getting all my ducks in a row and getting everything ready. I bought a portable hard drive, a memory stick for my camera, ordered power adapters, and bought a shiny yellow iPod for long train rides and flights. This week I get to start planning outfits and practice packing suitcases. It'll be interesting to see how that goes. I have never been a light packer, even for week-long trips. In fact, I'm taking the same size bags that I've taken on week-long trips! How spoiled and materialistic does that make me? Very!

This summer has gone by unbelievably fast, which I know is partially due to the fact that I've been working 50-hour work weeks. Still, its been the quickest three months I can remember and I'm not sure how I feel about that! I hate the feeling that time is passing too quickly for me to take it all in, and thats what this summer felt like for me. How much faster will the next three months pass?

Probably faster than I can eat a croissant or down a bottle of wine.

Ch-ch-ch-changes.

For those of you who don't know, I mentor a young girl named Brooks. She has Down's Syndrome and is absolutely the sweetest and brightest little girl I know.

When I went to see her yesterday, I finally sat down with her and told her I was leaving for a long, long trip. She promptly responded, "Me too! We're going to the beach for a long, long trip. Two weeks!" I fought back tears as I explained to her that I was going to be gone much longer than two weeks. I told her that I was going to be gone for three months, and that I'd be back in December and would be kind of like an early Christmas present. We're going to mark her calendar so she knows the day that I'll be returning, and I've told her that I better get lots of emails and letters. I know she's going to miss me; the flipside of that, however, is that I'll miss her even more.

I've been a mix of emotions the past few days, for the most part feeling ready to leave. There have been several things swirling through my head lately that have made me realize that I desperately want a semester away from Wake. Don't get me wrong, I love Wake and I love the people there. But there are a few things at Wake I'm not eager to revisit just yet, and a semester away is exactly what I need.

I'm realizing more and more just how much I am in need of this change. At the same time, there are a few things, one big thing in particular, that I am scared will be different when I get back. Its interesting to me that I'm recognizing that I need a change, but am terrified of changes occurring back home while I'm gone. I'm not really sure how to reconcile that difference.

That's what I'll be praying about this week.

Nineteen Days.

After being scared and nervous and panicky all summer about going abroad, prayers and contemplation brought me a very hopeful peace about leaving.

Now that I am sitting a mere 19 days away from my departure, I find myself ready and wanting to go.

I need to get out of Greensboro. Out of North Carolina. I love my family and my friends, and I will miss them. But there are a few things that I need to get away from and get over. There is a certain level of independence that I need to learn, and I will only learn it by being away from everything and everyone that I love. I also need to learn to depend on God and myself before other people, because several things about this summer have taught me that sometimes, people let you down. It's funny how you think you've already learned that lesson, but when it happens again, you still fall flat on your face.

I've been wise. I've been a fool. I've been mature. I've been immature. I've been happy. I've been unhappy.

But all that matters now: I'll be gone in 19 days.