...

Back to school in a week.

Weird.

Wonder what it'll be like to hit campus again? 

Christmas

Can't honestly believe its come and gone.

But, it is truly one of the most special days of the year.  There's nothing I love more than opening presents with my family, and then spending hours watching the new movies or tv shows we got.  Or sitting at the dinner table, reading the Christmas story ((even though we all act annoyed)).  Or visiting family.  Or, as we do on every Christmas night, watching The Muppet Christmas Carol.

Days such as this make me thankful.

dream

I had an incredibly, incredibly strange dream last night.  While I only remember a few distinct parts, the one that was on my mind this morning when I woke up is this.

In the dream, I was walking up some stairs carrying a bag of buttery, greasy popcorn and a giant bag of cookies.  My sister was at the bottom of the stairs and said, "Carolyn, you need to stop eating.  You're so fat."

off for a run at Bur Mil.

SNOW

around the yard...first snow of the season!

Home

I honestly had no faith that coming home would be a positive experience.  I honestly expected to kind of be a grouch about being home.

But, being home has actually been refreshingly good.  Sleeping in my own bed, seeing my grandparents, eating breakfast at my kitchen table, having my cat sleep at my feet, seeing my friends and family...even driving my car!

These small comforts have made my transition easier.  I still don't think that its completely hit me that I'm home yet, and I know that there are several encounters awaiting me in the next week or so that I am not really ready for yet, but in the long run I am very thankful that I have been happy to be home.

As I continue to transition and apply all that I learned in France about life, myself, and my relationship with Christ, to my life here at home, I just cannot stop thinking about the idea that every small moment, change, event in my life is another part of my path, one of many stepping stones that are leading me forward.

I've decided that while I might not know exactly what stone I'm standing on now, I do know, I think really and truly for the first time, who I am.

Just don't want to believe it...

Final weekend:
final kebab.
final french movie.
final patisserie.
final soiree with my friends.
final sequana moment.
final (4 hour) lunch with my host family.
final train to Paris.

Is it already time for me to leave?

I just spent the past 10 minutes walking around the house, looking at everything I could, trying to just grasp the fact I'm leaving.

What I have to keep in mind--what I am doing my best to keep in mind--is that these "final" things are opening the door to another phase of my life.

fellowship

Because I love reading, literature, movies...and have a horrible tendency to quote movies and books almost more than I say original thoughts...I have of course been comparing my life to epic stories like Lord of the Rings.

Yes, this post might as well be a great flashing sign telling you that I'm a nerd, but I am completely ok with that.

Us nine Wake Forest students here in Dijon this semester decided that we were like the Fellowship of the Ring, and therefore we gave everyone a LOTR character. (I would like to underline that this was totally a group idea...so I'm not the only crazy one.)

Peter, semi-frat star but ever sweet and personable, was dubbed Aragorn.


Lauren, loving, super smart, and always organized...naturally, Gandalf.


MaryKate, red-headed sweetheart with an affinity for complaining; thats Gimli.


Me, always the trouble maker and continual goofball, got the role of Pippin.


Jenn, quiet but hilarious, is Merry.


Kara, so sweet and loyal, definitely gets to be Sam.


Wright, just because he's awkward and we didn't know who he should be, is Frodo.


Carleigh, always a little bit out there but always graceful...without question, Legolas.


Miles, because he's always willing to do what no one will, is Boromir.


We also decided that Madame Barbour gets to be Bilbo, and our favorite chauffeur Patrick is Treebeard.
All of this crazy, awkward, nerdy comparing to the Lord of the Rings (besides the fact that its pretty funny) is just indicative of the bond that our group has formed.

We don't always get along. Some of us are closer than others. Some of us are ready to leave France, some of us aren't. But the point is, this unique group of individuals made this semester more than memorable for me.

I have found, in this group, 8 new amazing friends...and even if we aren't as close when we get back to Wake as we are right now, I know for sure that the friendships will, in some form or fashion, continue.

"And the fellowship of the ring... though eternally bound by friendship and love...was ended."


I am beginning to feel a bit more peace about going home. I've spent much of the last few days praying and journaling, trying to rationalize the crazy swirl of emotions.

"How do you pick up the threads of an old life?"


I've decided that one of the biggest emotions that is getting me is the overwhelming sensation that time passed so quickly. I honestly and completely do not believe that its December and that I am flying to the States in less than two days.

What I am realizing, though, is that this experience is not ending when I leave French soil. I have been completely and irrevocably changed by this experience. I have grown up more than I ever though possible. I've overcome a culture shock and a language barrier. I've learned independence but dependence on the Lord. I've traveled to different countries and all over France. In one single moment, God told me, reassured me, that His purpose for my career is special education. I've laughed, cried, been frustrated, been homesick, been so content, made stupid decisions, learned from them, made good decisions, learned from them...and the list goes on and on.

So yes, while the next few days, and probably the next week or two, are going to be really hard for me, I know that I'll be fine. Because there are so many things back home that I have missed, so many people who love me and who could not be more excited for my return...and that'll make all the difference in the world.

" ...you cannot always be torn in two. You will have to be one and whole for many years. You have so much to enjoy and to be and to do. Your part in the story will go on."

The List

I'm taking a break from studying for my final.

I might regret this in the morning at 8am when the test is placed in front of me, but I am so mentally zonked right now, I just do not care.

Today I had my last class with one of my favorite professors, Stephane. He talked for a few minutes with Lauren, Peter, Miles, and me and told us to make The List.

The List is just that...a list of things that we are going to do, people we are going to see, foods we are going to eat, when we get back to the United States. Why make a list?

"Tu fais Le Liste pour que la porte de l'avion soit deja ouverte quand tu arrives aux Etats Unis...pour que tu saches deja ou tu es."

"you make the list so that the plane door is already open when you land in the States...so that you know already where you are."

Stephane also made the entire class be silent, and told the us Wake Forest kids to put our heads down and close our eyes.

Silence.

"Dijon."

What came to my mind? My host family and the house. Next my classes. And finally, my walk every day to the bus.

It was all I could do not to cry in class as Stephane told us that these were the images that, from now on when something made us think of France, would surge to the front of our minds.

A very wise man told me yesterday that my experience in France is my latest stepping stone, but just one piece of the entire journey, and that I cannot be frustrated because the next stone seems different.

Three and half months ago, I never would have imagined that going home would be hard. But, I'm 4 days away from my flight to the States and I feel like this might be the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

So while I'm unhappy in this moment now, I know that I will not always feel this way.

I am going to make The List.

What will I do when I get home?

PRAY.
Visit my best friends.
See my family.
Hug my girl Brooks and her sweet brother John.
Hold my kitty Indigo.
Eat Cook-Out BBQ and milkshakes.
Drive my car.
Go to Target.
Watch movies with Laura.
Run at Bur-Mil.
Shop for Christmas presents.
See New Moon in english.
Read for fun.
See my church family.
Sing Christmas songs.

...speak in French whenever I possibly can.


I know that I have changed this semester, and I thank God for blessing me with such a rich experience. I've grown up, discovered my purpose in life, learned independence...

And as dear Pops reminded me, yes, my next stepping stone seems different.

But this just my next challenge.