Caught

Honestly, I cannot fathom being anywhere but here.

Right here, at my little french desk in my little french room in my little french town.

What does it mean when an experience that was so unreal becomes your reality?

What does it mean when everything you once held as "normal" --the things you fought to hold on to because you hated, hated change--have passed into some far away land that just does not seem a part of your life anymore?

not liking this feeling.

I think the next few weeks are going to be a bit rough. I'm caught.

Caught in a place where I don't know how to feel. Do I be selfishy unhappy to be going back home in two weeks, knowing full well how many people miss me and how it honestly will be incredible to see them, laugh with them, and hug them again...or do I just appreciate this experience I've had, and head home without a regretful glance behind me?

The solution seems to be simple...rest in the middle. Accept both feelings and take it one day at a time.

But I hate not knowing.

Not knowing which is certain, which is going to prove to be the stronger emotion. I don't think I would be happy with either of these emotions proving to be the stronger, but I am not content to rest in the middle.